the one time she finally said yes (and the times she said no)
by breakingatthecracks
Summary: QW14 (Quinntana Begins) – Maybe, the reason why Quinn and Santana never happened before is because they're supposed to happen today.


A/N: It's my first time joining Quinntana Week, OMG. I do have the tendency to write things like this one-shot so, I hope you like it.

* * *

_**Don't be so scared of the things you love**_**.  
**- _The Waves That Rolled You Under (Young Summer)_

.

**(No.)**

It was during the first cheer camp when Santana first feels _it_.

Quinn Fabray—talk of the town, transferee from some other part of Ohio, pretty face, wealthy family—is everything Santana could possible hate and best of all, she's joining the Cheerios. A freshman transferee from another town is threatening Santana's run for the coveted top spot.

She's bringing this girl down, she decides.

She made an elaborate mental list of reasons why she should hate this girl she hasn't even met yet. Alongside that list is another mental list of plans for taking her down.

She's already jumpy in excitement by the time the day rolls around.

But soon as the girl hops off their expensive family car, Santana feels her breath hitch. It's like some cliché just happened to her because Quinn Fabray is a movie transpiring right before her eyes. It's like everything slowed down, the breeze just decided to gently blow Quinn's hair in a way that highlights her perfect face.

Santana hates it—the way she feels her heart flutter at each step the girl took closer to her.

She thinks it's a _crush_.

But it quickly goes away when she walks to the girl to introduce herself.

"Hey, new girl. I'm Santana," Santana greets her, an air of pseudo-confidence masking her anxiousness.

_The girl just smiles and raises an eyebrow. The girl just walks past her, ignoring her first attempt in fake-friending her._

Up until this day, Santana still says that introducing herself was part of the plan.

It wasn't.

Falling in love with Quinn Fabray on the first day of cheer camp—it was never part of Santana's plan.

.

**(No.)**

Sophomore year, shit gets real—things happen all at once and whatever friendship she had built with Quinn over the past year disappeared when the pregnancy got messy.

That's when she and Brittany become close.

Brittany is… _not Quinn_ and oddly, Santana finds comfort in that.

It's easy with Brittany because she lets her be. Santana can stare at her without feeling guilty. She can talk to her without pretending to be a concerned co-captain.

Best of all, Santana can stand next to her without feeling like flying.

Brittany grounds her in places where Quinn Fabray just sends her floating. Brittany grounds her and when you're in high school, that's all you need.

Because knowing what love is when you don't know what isn't is a scary thought.

_This is Quinn, leave a message._

"Finn and Puck are assholes. Whatever you decide to do with the baby, I won't judge. You're better than this and you're gonna come back from this. Call me for anything. I love you, Q."

_Quinn doesn't call her._

In fact, Quinn strays further away, like she's detached from reality.

Up until this day, Santana still feels how much she meant the last sentence of her voicemail.

.

**(No.)**

Maybe, they are that kind of people; that kind of friendship—the one where they just always gravitate back to one another because that's how the world is supposed to be.

Quinn and Santana—despite competition and pregnancy—will always have each other's back. They will always be there for each other because they know no other way.

"Is it true?" Quinn asks her.

They've been friends for years and although that friendship has been nothing but dysfunctional, Santana doesn't need to ask to know that Quinn is talking about Finn outing her.

Santana locked herself in the bathroom and Quinn is standing outside the door.

"Yes."

The silence that follows almost makes Santana believe that Quinn has walked out of her bedroom and out of her life because all this time, her best friend has been a closeted lesbian. Think about all those times they've undressed in front of one another.

But then she hears some shuffling on the other side.

"I'm staying here until you come out."

Santana actually laughs after what feels like forever, "Too late, Quinn. Already did."

She hears Quinn laugh, too, "Of the bathroom, Santana."

When the laughs die down, Santana asks, "Why are you still here, Quinn? Shouldn't you be, I don't know, sacrificing a soul for forgiveness of your sins because your bestfriend happens to be a dyke?"

"I've sinned worse."

"How?"

"Sometimes, I wish I was someone else."

"Who?"

"Someone easier to love."

"Quinn, you're—"

"Someone who knows how to accept love."

It silences Santana because it clicks in her head.

Quinn's problem has never been not knowing how to love. It's never been about not feeling enough. Quinn Fabray grew up in a condescending household, had dinner in an empty table, and she has parents that paid more attention to their cliques than their own their daughter.

That's why Quinn doesn't know what love is like, how it looks or how it feels.

That's why she didn't—and still doesn't—recognize it from the way Santana has given it to her all these years.

To Quinn, love is like that new toy you get when you're a kid. You don't know what to do with it so you keep throwing it away, you keep slamming it against a wall to see if it works. When the toy starts chasing her around, when the toy starts having a life on its own, Quinn runs.

Quinn runs because it's not something she's familiar with. It's not something she's used to.

Love? It's not something Quinn knows how to accept.

"Would you change anything if you had the chance?" Santana asks, not really knowing why or what answer she wants to hear.

"A lot."

"Like?"

"I would have called you back…. _last year._"

Santana's tear-stricken eyes widen.

"Quinn—"

"Don't."

Santana doesn't pry.

She doesn't pry because she felt it, too—_that fear_.

When you're in high school and you think you know what love looks like on a person who doesn't know what love is, it's scary. Because you know they'd keep on running.

Santana knows Quinn will keep on running.

Because _running _is the only thing she knows.

.

**(No.)**

"You almost died on me," Santana tells Quinn when she finally wakes up four days later.

Quinn just smiles a small smile and then winces at the pain it caused.

Tears fall down Santana's eyes because no words can ever explain how scared she was when she realized she could've lost Quinn.

She could've lost Quinn forever.

And Santana has imagined lifetimes and futures, and an alternate universe where people had special abilities. Santana has imagined her second life.

Santana has imagined heaven and hell.

But she has never imagined a life or a world without Quinn.

Where Santana is, there's Quinn.

Quinn's accident is the most scared Santana has felt all her life.

When Quinn drifts back to sleep minutes later, Santana hugs her carefully and whispers, "I love you."

She does.

Because she really doesn't know how not to.

.

**(No.)**

When Santana wakes up the morning after Valentine's, Quinn is gone.

So are her things.

Santana had to pinch herself just to really wake up. Santana had to blink a dozen times to know she's not dreaming.

On the desk sits a note next to a cup coffee that has gone cold. It's Santana's proof that last night was real, that it wasn't a pigment of her imagination.

_I'll call you.  
- Q_

And Santana's not a bit surprised that Quinn never did.

.

**(No.)**

The New Directions disband and it makes Santana really mad because they worked hard for this and the newbies—and Blaine—couldn't even win a title to keep this club alive.

It's somehow important to her but shit happens and Santana can only shake her head on the fact that Sue Sylvester finally won.

Finn's dead and Rachel is trying her hard to survive Funny Girl. And then there's Brittany. There's also Quinn and Puck.

It's that last one that really makes her furious.

"Are you serious about getting back together with Puck?" Santana asks.

Quinn only nods.

"Why?"

"I love him."

Santana chuckles bitterly, "You must really do because you know it's stupid and you're still doing it."

"What is it to you, Santana?"

"It's everything to me because I waited," says Santana, the closest thing she's ever had to a confession.

It stops Quinn for a moment but Quinn Fabray, like always, never falters, "You waited? Really? Because you were on Brittany's arms soon as we got here."

"And you brought a guy who couldn't even take his eyes off his phone. I came here to ask you out, watch a movie."

There's a hint of surprise in Quinn's eyes but it quickly goes away. It breaks Santana's heart but she stands her ground.

So does Quinn, "I'm getting back with Puck because it's easier."

Santana thinks it should be easier with her.

"You're a coward, Quinn."

Quinn stares at her, hard; like she's trying to tell her something. But Santana is done waiting, she's done anticipating Quinn's next move.

Quinn stopped talking to her after Valentine's but Santana stuck around because that's who she is. Santana stuck around because even if it's painful not hearing anything after what could be the most amazing night she's had with Quinn, walking away was harder. She tried, so many times.

But the universe always sends her back to the path that always led to Quinn.

She's tried.

She really is.

But she knows it's equally tiring for Quinn.

Quinn runs, she chases.

Maybe, this is gonna end.

But it's not gonna end right now.

Quinn walks out of the room, leaving Santana to her thoughts.

It's always going to be like this, she knows.

But Quinn is a coward and Santana is stubborn.

Maybe, Quinn isn't just the only one doing the running.

It's in that moment that Santana realizes she's been stalling, too.

.

**(Yes.)**

She doesn't get back together with Brittany. Quinn breaks up with Puck. It feels like the universe is trying to tell her something.

She gets a call the morning after Rachel's opening night.

"Hey," Quinn says on the other line.

"Fabray," Santana greets calmly, rubbing her eyes.

"Come to the kitchen for breakfast."

Santana shoots up from her bed faster than she can ever admit. She _almost _runs to the kitchen and sees a table nicely setup complete with her favorite breakfast meal. But Quinn is nowhere to be found.

"Where are you?" Santana asks, her voice shaking in anticipation.

"On my way back," Quinn says before hanging up.

Santana feels a little bit nervous because _on my way _has a different effect to her—and to Rachel, especially when it comes from Quinn.

A few beats later, Quinn walks inside the loft, a cup of coffee in one hand. Santana looks up at her from staring at her breakfast for far too long.

Quinn fishes her phone from her pocket and calls someone.

Santana's phone rings.

_Quinn is calling her_.

She takes the call.

"Q?" she answers the call and looks at Quinn from across the room.

Quinn smiles and meets her gaze, tears welling in her eyes, "I owe you two calls. This is the second one."

Then, it dawns on her.

"Right."

"I also owe you breakfast."

"What is this?" Santana asks, now feeling her knees weaken at the possibility.

"That movie?"

"What?"

"That movie from months ago, is that still up for grabs?"

Santana thinks for a moment and it all suddenly comes back to her. Her heart starts beating incredibly fast.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying yes, S."

She couldn't help it so she smiles in that uncharacteristic way. It's surreal.

"To the movie?"

"To everything."

Silence embraces them once more.

And maybe, this is it.

Maybe, the reason why Quinn and Santana never happened before is because they're supposed to happen today.

And Santana's perfectly fine with that.

"I'm glad you waited, Santana."

Santana just smiles contentedly and says, "Me too."

* * *

I listened to Young Summer's "Waves That Rolled You Under" before writing this. It's in my Quinntana playlist and it's one of the songs that I truly associate Quinntana with. Give it a listen!

So, on to the real thing, what'd you think? Reviews?


End file.
